Strong Urges

Is Facebook updates the preferred mode of expression for us today? Blogging already seems the old thing before it really became the new thing. I have these days when I feel a strong urge to write a long piece the way I used to be able to before, an urge similar to the one you feel at times to make contact with the people you have broken up with, but can't do anything about, because if you could, you'd have most likely done it long before. Not one to lose sleep over anything, but certainly one to wake up feeling horrible about the lost opportunities of last night, now and then I'm able to force myself to string together three or four thoughts, and that is all you need, knowing how thought leads on to thought, to write a long post. It's great though how my vulnerability to feelings of fear and anxiety decreases during the course of the day. I'm at my strongest just before going to sleep, I have it all figured out, but after the enjoyment of what I think was a nice night of sleep when I wake up, I find myself suddenly trapped by unseen aspects of last night's problems, as if they could only be seen once the sun's rays fell on them, and I become aware of a greasy stream of despair running in my veins, which I have realized could also be the result of oily and spicy food after a day of minimal physical activity. It's also great to digress. And to write long sentences. Fuck you, twitter.

But I'm serious. Like always. There's no fun in not being serious. There's no pure fun. Fun needs strong foundations of something serious at its base. Otherwise it's just an attempt at fun. A photo-copy of fun. "Oh, we were just having fun." No you were not! You need something pulling you away from having fun. A resisting force, that you continuously oppose to keep on dancing, or laughing, or wisecracking. The only reason serious stuff was created in life was so that we could have fun. There was no need to, before that. I might have gone a little overboard with that last one.

But I understand. Facebook isn't bad. I'm sure there's a correct way to use it. The next generation would laugh at the way we use it. "You mean you actually, like, sat in front of a real computer for, like, hours, facebooking? Isn't it something you do, like, on the go?" I have faith in kids. Look toward them to understand the correct ways to use this new stuff. Honestly.

Growing up doesn't feel that bad anymore. It's growing on me. I'm developing a taste for it. And it's kind of justified, because as they say, it's somebody else's turn to be a kid. You can't remain a child, and let the real kids be kids. I feel it'd be nice to have a child of my own, but to have to endure a spouse seems like too much of a price to pay. I've heard people are increasingly deciding not to have kids or at least delay it as much as possible. It's good, except why would somebody even want to get married then? I mean, it sounds to me like taking up the burden without the benefits. The argument in favor of marriage cites children as a point. Exactly. So, till the time you decide to have children, marriage itself could be, let's say, postponed, right? I understand we swim in a sea of society, but talking of the young independent couple that prides itself on planning children on it's own isn't priding itself on much in my eyes if it decides to get married during the while. I guess that was harsh. Parents, right? Society, yes I know them. Sorry about that. I've felt that inexorable force, in other circumstances, and succumbed. Who hasn't? But independence should include emotional independence. It's possible to live by yourself on financial independence. But it's delicious to live by yourself on emotional independence. Retain that, even if you're in a relationship. It provides that resisting force, the strong foundation I was talking about earlier, that keeps the fun alive. Love means the freedom to say "Fuck off!" once in a while.

I guess why I'm a little annoyed here with marriage is because a lot of people around me are getting married. Everything is running fine, and suddenly somebody comes along and announces, without apology, and in fact as if it were something to be happy about, that he's getting married. Not "Sorry guys, but I got to get married", not "I hope you don't mind but I'm afraid I'd be marrying next month", not "May I get married next month?", but just an entrance, and an announcement, "Hey! I'm getting married", with twinkle in the eye, and expectation of congratulations in his voice. And people play along. And sometimes, not even that. Just a change of status from 'Single' or 'Committed' to 'Engaged'. Or slightly better, a mass email containing a wedding invitation. Subtle bastards. :) Maybe someday I'd be writing in favor of marriage. Who knows?

Children are good. Spending time with children makes you notice things. What would be considered unnecessary distractions in your work-life, or even in your social-life hold real pleasures. Children know, unknowingly, that life is about finding an odd-shaped pebble, holding on to it, and then throwing it away. About running after nothings, embracing trouble at all costs. About pestering people who care about you in way that they get addicted to it, crying if they don't, running away without a damn if they do.

Children live lives of constant attraction. Before they've had time for one thing, they find another which snatches their attention. Their day is made up of chasing attraction after attraction till they go to sleep tired and happy. We live lives of constant distraction. Before we've done one thing properly, we get bored of it, and start looking for a distraction. Our day is made up of seeking distraction after distraction till we go to sleep tired of it all and often unhappy. Children - can't live without them, can't live without them.