Urges

Sitting in the quiet of her room
safely assuming her day to be over,
she gets a sudden, intense and inexplicable urge

to go out, to see people, to be seen,
to bare herself, to connect
to cousins, friends, old acquaintances,
with time fallen apart
and acquired the charm of strangers,
she fantasizes
but holds herself back,
afraid of name-callers.
Does she think there's another life?

She limits herself to the internet,
where shadows communicate
with shadows,
and pass by each other, too bad
that shadows don't touch, let alone make love.
Silence is a better expression,
than that ghost-communication,
what is she saving herself for?
does she think there's a god that keeps score?

She's not a joke,
things she feels are not a joke,
though she may pretend them to be
to pop them out of existence.
They pile up,
and give her sudden, intense and inexplicable urges
which she ignores,
to make my days and nights miserable.